Harry Potter and the Accidental Apocalypse
by Sharap'n
Summary: This is PG for slight violence. basically everyone dies. R&R. It's finished now, so groovers.
1. Summaries

THE APOCALYPSE OF HARRY POTTER 'N' FRIENDS  
  
Harry Potter was sitting in the garden seeing how far Harry Potter's nose would stretch. Suddenly an owl came along and gave him a newspaper. The Owl ate Harry Potter. Harry Potter died. The End.  
  
Hermione Granger was looking at the sun, seeing how long it would take for Hermione Granger to go blind. The sun suddenly got a million degrees hotter, and everyone in the world survived except for Hermione Granger, who was burnt to death. Hermione Granger died. The End.  
  
Ron Weasley was thinking about how pov he was. Ron Weasley sang a song to Ron Weasley's self. Since Ron Weasley had not eaten in months this exertion killed Ron Weasley. Ron Weasley died. The End.  
  
Without Ron Weasley and Harry Potter and Hermione Granger to save the world from Lord Voldemort, Lord Voldemort was very happy and took over the world, killing everyone except Draco Malfoy, who was so upset at his father dying that Draco Malfoy killed Lord Voldemort. The End.  
  
Draco Malfoy accidentally poked Draco Malfoy's self in the eye, and Draco Malfoy bled to death. Draco Malfoy died. The End.  
  
Review Please, even just to tell me how absolutely retarded I am. 


	2. The 5 foot barn Owl called Kelvin

Some dude/girl called Vil said he/she would extend the deaths, so here goes:  
  
"OI!" Harry Potter's Uncle Vernon Dursley was in a bad mood as usual, perhaps because of the stick up Vernon Dursley's behind. "HARRY POTTER, IF YOU DON'T STOP BEING SUCH A QUEER I WILL MAKE YOU LEAVE THIS ROOM"  
Harry Potter was not used to being called such things as Queer before. He had no idea where this came from, especially as Harry Potter was wearing his most butch outfit, Harry Potter's pink kylie shorts and pink fluffy heels. Harry Potter left the room, swinging Harry Potter's hips around and tossing Harry Potter's head girlishly. Awkwardly, because of the heels, Harry Potter sat down on the grass outside, wishing that luuuuuuuuurvely song would come on, "It's raining men". Harry Potter went cross-eyed staring at Harry Potter's nose, wishing it were a different shape, not as Queer. Harry Potter stretched it out; wondering if Harry Potter ripped it off it would be better. Suddenly, a ginormous owl (For argument's sake, let's call this owl Kelvin) flew down and dropped a newspaper on Harry Potter's head. Harry Potter glanced at the front page, threw it aside, and then, realising what it said, snatched it back up. "You're not. please. tell me. NO. tell me it's not true!" Suddenly Harry Potter started bawling his eyeballs out. The headline of the newspaper reads: "GINGER SPICE LEAVES SPICE GIRLS AND OTHERS SPLIT" Harry Potter was too overcome with sadness that he didn't notice the 5 foot barn owl called Kelvin pecking Harry Potter's head for the money. The owl called Kelvin pecked Harry Potter's head so hard that Harry Potter had a brain haemorrhage and died. The owl called Kelvin was starving, with no money, so it ate Harry Potter. Harry Potter died. All the people from CSI came down and put Vernon Dursley in prison for eating Harry Potter, using large, foot long suspiciously Owl called Kelvin-like incisors. 


	3. The Kangaroo called Melvin

The Tragic Demise of Hermione Granger.  
  
"Baby boy, you stay on my mind, fulfil my fantasy." Hermione Granger was singing in an extremely loud and off key manner, sitting on the crowded city pier. Everyone around Hermione Granger was either ducking for cover or shooting himself or herself so they wouldn't have to listen to Hermione Granger's ghastly voice. Beyoncè Knowles herself came over, and hearing this absolutely GHASTLY destruction of her wondrous song, shot herself. (No offence B). One brave civilian ran up to Hermione Granger, ears covered with hands, and kicked Hermione Granger into the water, hoping the rabid killer shark (Let's call him/her [you never can tell with sharks] Hellvin) who hadn't eaten in its life would finish Hermione Granger off. Hermione Granger just kept on singing underwater, causing the rabid killer shark called Hellvin to die of fright at this ghastly being. Hermione Granger swam over to Australia, and wondered if she would go blind looking at the sun, like everyone said. Hermione Granger had been looking at the sun for quite a few days now when Hermione Granger heard a hopping sound. Hermione Granger turned around and saw. a Kangaroo called Melvin. Melvin the Kangaroo said to her: "d' yah wanna go bloind?" "Yes Please" "No Worries Matey." Melvin the Kangaroo swam (yes, swam) to the Great Barrier Reef and visited Nemo (Let's just call this "Nemo" character Shellvin.). "How do I turn on the sun more?" Asked Melvin the Kangaroo. "Dude, how should I know?" Answered Shellvin the Nemo. " I was just minding my own business when some dude comes along and tips a bag of Cannabis into the ocean. Mind you, I'm not complaining, but it makes it terribly hard to see. Everything's fuzzy. Why don't you go and turn it up with that knob there?" At that point, Shellvin the Nemo started vomiting up Shellvin the Nemo's blood and guts, so Melvin the Kangaroo turned the knob up to full and went to see Hermione Granger. While Melvin the Kangaroo was dilly-dallying with Shellvin the Nemo, Hermione Granger got too close to the sun, got burnt to death, and died. All the people that shot themselves (Including Beyoncè Knowles) came back to life, and rejoiced. They forever made that day Ghastly Destructions of Good Songs Day. The end.  
  
Plz review, I wrote this at midnight, so I was a bit out of it, and its very crap, I know, but oh well. 


	4. Oh dear! Ron Weasley is dead! also featu...

Oh dear! Ron Weasley is dead.  
  
It was a fine day in the land of Harry Potter land, and Ron Weasley, not even knowing that Ron Weasley's friends  
  
were all dead, (Oh dear! Ron Weasley's friends are all dead.) was sitting in his garden. He had not eaten in three  
  
months, because of budget cuts on the set of the Harry Potter movies, so he was almost dead. Oh dear! Ron  
  
Weasley is almost dead. He thought of a little song, because he was so pissed off at being so absolutely dying of  
  
hunger, he started to sing it to make him happier. And also because the evil evil EVIL doggie doo in front of him on  
  
the ground (called Smellvin) made him do it! MWAHAHAHAHA! Here is the wondorous song that Ron Weasley sang:  
  
I'm bored right now  
  
But happie today  
  
I want some ice cream  
  
Because today really sux.  
  
I want some chocolate  
  
I want a kiss biscuit  
  
So don't piss me off.  
  
Isn't it wonderful???? Anyway, back to the story. This strange 'singing' thing proved too much for Ronald Weasley's  
  
starved personage, and so he crawled to the road on his belly, partly because he couldn't walk, and partly because  
  
he had a weird, slightly creepy fetish for black asphalt. There he died, (Oh dear! Ron Weasley is dead.) and no one  
  
really cared that much, because they all thought he was just asleep. The end.  
  
OH DEAR! Please don't tell me Ron Weasley is DEAD! 


	5. Not even Delvin is willing or able to de...

Nobody to defend the world . . .  
  
It was a cloudy night, not that you could tell, as it was nightie nites time for Voldemort, and  
  
everything was dark. One of Voldemort's Death eaters, lets just call him Delvin, was running  
  
to Voldie's bedroom, for the usual reason *COUGHCOUGH* I mean, to tell him something  
  
important.  
  
"Wake up Voldie!" Delvin said, shaking V by the shoulders. "I have amazingly great news!"  
  
V stirred in his sleep, saying "but I don't like the Vanilla ice cream Mummy, I want  
  
Strawberry." "this is important V!" Delvin said, completely non aware of the fact that V was  
  
still asleep. "Not only are all of Harry Potter's friends dead, he is too! Now you can take over  
  
the world! MWAHAHAHAHA!" V stood up in bed, bashing his head on the ceiling, and  
  
making a big hole in the roof. "You mean to tell me . . . It's . . . really . . . true?" V said. "You  
  
dare to say MWAHAHAHAHA before I do? EVIL EVIL BITCH!" And with that, V smacked D  
  
around the head with a mongoose he . . . er . . . just happened to have lying around. And  
  
with that, V took over the world, killing everyone, even Dumbledore. He killed all of his death  
  
eaters, and the Malfoys were last to die. V killed Narcissa and Lucius Malfoy, and all  
  
of Draco's long lost sisters or cousins (girls, of course) which always pop up on this website  
  
from time to time. Draco was very angry at V for killing all his amazingly hot long lost sisters  
  
and cousins (not actually related to him of course) So he poked Voldie in the head and V  
  
disappeared, never to be seen ever again. So Draco was alone in the world. What to do, what  
  
to do . . . 


	6. no 'vins tonite! only Draco Malfoy

Draco dies  
  
Draco gets bored of having no friends (since they're dead) and Funkie Star gets bored of  
  
writing this brown dribble, so Draco pokes himself in the eye. He bleeds to death.  
  
THE END!!!!!  
  
Thank you, thank you!  
  
P.S. 


End file.
